Mr. Swan/ 斯旺先生

Here I wish to share a story about Mr. Swan and I.

In the late spring, the night was long in coming but eventually, I met Mr.Swan by the Töölö bay, out of the blue, but seemingly predestined.

The sunbeams would eventually shine through, neat and thin, threading through the whirling leaves and splashing on the ground. A nighttime breeze tickled my bare scruff and while I was shivering from the cold, I caught a glimpse of Mr. Swan.

Bootvogel

In his white suit and grey beanie, Swan glided towards me, gracefully, leaving no trace of his motion behind. I checked my pocket quickly and partly subconsciously only to discover that I didn’t have my iphone with me. “Damn it”, I exclaimed under my breath. Fortunately, the frustration dissipated promptly. I continued gazing  at Swan, and gradually reached down on my knees. His dance overwhelmed my vision. It was a dream-like experience, like a lone waltz in the moonlight. I was so overwhelmed that I burst out into tears. I hoped dearly that Swan would notice me. Even a hint of recognition would made me swell with happiness.

Suddenly, we made eye contact. Can you imagine an instant of weightlessness? My head was light, as if my feet were floating off the ground. I saw a reflection in his eyes, growing bigger and sharper. It was mine, a face as pale as a ghost with eyes glinting avidly and lowly. “Quack, quack, quack”. Swan swiftly spread his wings, then craned his neck to cry at me, as if he was about to poke my eyes out. I heard the clack of my butt on the ground, which immediately brought the weightless sensation to an end. I picked myself up from the ground, gasping to draw back from him.

Mr. Swan stood right in front of me. I saw the sparks in his eyes. It was a raw, wild, animalistic, uncontrollable rage. Swan swaggered around for a while, then ceased all his fury, slowly turned back, waddled his way back to the lake broke out a loud burp.

It was only then that I realized the yellowing tail feathers, scraggy figure. His webbed feet were wet and wrinkled, like a pair of old rain boots stuck to his bony legs. He glided away slowly, faded from sight. The encounter seemed to have never happened.

With envy, I have been observing the lives of others, just as watched Swan. I live in a movie in which I take no part. I have outsourced my memory functions to my cyber brain, using techy boxes to capture the world, sealing those vivid sensations into flat frames. Eventually, the future stretches mine and others’ past into thin threads and knits them recklessly into a glossy screen. It then projects the reflection of the whole world that we can gaze forever, as if we own it.

Isn’t it so that nothing makes sense in this world? Bumping into other beings, we count on each encounter to breathe meaning into the mundane. Indeed, these moments, these random rendezvous, are the only possessions we have to look away from the ‘glossy screen’.

When my life was turned into a gaze, Swan’s raging cry is a truly precious revelation. I don’t want to be someone else’s Swan nor to feel ashamed of being the less fabulous me.

≅≅≅

斯旺先生

我想要讲述一个关于我和斯旺先生的故。

我想要讲述一个关于我和斯旺先生的故。
那晚,我遇到了天鹅先生,偶然,但却似一场命中注定的相遇。
初春,在天将暗未暗时,几缕斜阳冷不丁地穿过婆娑的叶影倾泻在土地上。昼间的暑气在消散,晚风吹在我裸露的后颈,微凉的气息让我不经缩了缩脖子。就在这时,我瞥见了天鹅先生。
一袭白衣,徐徐缓缓的浮游在特叻湖面。下意识地掏了掏口袋,“啊,糟糕”,我意识到自己并没有任何可以记录这一时刻的景象。庆幸的是这份懊恼很快便消散了,我凝视着天鹅先生,慢慢俯下身,半蹲着,眼中尽是他摇曳的身姿。这景象如梦境,像是在聚光灯下,完美的一场独舞。我忍不住要为他喝彩。我多希望他能看到我,即使只是不经意的一瞥,也让我心荡漾。
这时我俩的眼神交汇了,你知道那种瞬间失重感觉么?我突然有一种漂浮感,脚尖似乎在离开地面。在他的瞳仁中映射的倒影中,越来越清晰的,是我脸孔,眼神热切中透着卑微。‘嘎嘎嘎’,斯旺突然展开双翅,伸长了脖子冲我一顿怒嚎,似乎愤怒地要啄向我的眼。啪,我跌坐到地上,地面让坠落感嘎然而止。我喘着粗气向后退着,从幻梦中醒来。
那时斯旺早已站在我跟前,它愤怒的眼中闪着野性,那尽是原始的,动物的,不受控制的狂躁。示威完毕后,它偃旗息鼓,缓慢的扭过身去,摇摆着屁股,蹒跚地踱向湖面最后打了一个响亮的饱嗝。
这时我才发现,他的尾羽有些泛黄,身姿也不似幻梦中的丰满。他的蹼像潮湿的旧皮靴,皱皱的贴在嶙峋的腿骨上。它徐徐缓缓的离开了我的视线,这场相遇似乎从来都没有发生过。
就像我凝视着斯旺那样,我痴痴地在艳羡着他人的生活,将生活过成了好似在看一场与自己无关的电影。我将记忆的任务外包给了我的外附大脑,用相机替代大脑记录生活。那些鲜活的感官体验被封印在二维平面里。终于未来将过去扯成了纤细的时线, 在虚像中肆意编织所有个体的记忆与生活,诞出鲜亮却平面的虚拟景观,供我们长久的凝视,最终相信我们拥有的是整个世界。
这个世界毫无意义,不是么?所以无数次擦身而过后,偶然的相遇才能为生存的意义赋予新的可能。甚至可以说,唯有此时,唯有这些不期而遇才是荒谬图景中仅有的几隙真实。
当生活本身成为了一种景观,斯旺先生的怒吼可谓是珍贵的一声当头棒喝。我不想成为那只完美无缺的天鹅,不想为不主流的自己而感到遗憾和羞愧。

Text: JiaKun Wang

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